A leading-edge research firm focused on digital transformation. Good Subscriber Account active since Shortcuts. Account icon An icon in the shape of a person's head and shoulders. It often indicates a user profile. Log out. US Markets Loading H M S In the news. Lindsay Dodgson. Sometimes it can feel like you're always chasing something you can't have.
It can feel like the more someone pulls away, the more you end up wanting them. This is partly due to our vanity and self-esteem, and partly due to our warped sense of their value. In reality, their perceived value is all in your head, and you're better off pursuing people who actually respect you enough to be honest. It's easier said than done, though. Sign up for notifications from Insider! Stay up to date with what you want to know. Nor did I tell him that I would be waking up and doing it all over again for the next 7 days, as I have done 7 days a week for the last couple of decades.
Perhaps shockingly to some, people with families do actually go for what they truly want! People who go for what they want refuse to live inside credible sounding excuses that keep them safely snuggled in their straightjacket. Make them the ones who have to dream up what they truly want. Get them to set hard goals. Have them take risk and expose themselves to failure. Force them to learn new things and keep getting better. Tell them to condition their minds and take powerful actions towards what they want….
I'm not saying it's possible to always get what you want. But, ultimately, research shows that we are more influential than we think. As a social psychologist and professor of organizational behavior, I've found that the most persuasive people do three things differently than most others — and the good news is that we can all adopt these same strategies to boost our chances of getting people to see us, listen to us and agree to do things for us:.
If you're making a suggestion, you might assume that your boss is dissecting your every word, ready to pounce and take up arms against all of your points. But, as communication researchers at the University of Texas have found, people simply aren't listening to or remembering most of what you say in order to wage a counterargument.
Humans are, as psychologists like to put it, "cognitive misers" ; we do the bare minimum to be able to navigate the world effectively, and we only think about things carefully if we absolutely need to or are particularly motivated to. According to " fuzzy-trace theory ," which was developed by Cornell University neuroscientist Valerie Reyna, when we encounter a piece of information, we process it in two ways:. The important thing to note, however, is that while we initially encode both the details and the gist of what was said, the memory for verbatim information fades quite quickly, while the memory of the gist lasts much longer.
What this means is that your boss is most likely to remember the substance of your suggestion, not how articulately or inarticulately you made it in the moment. When trying to persuade or ask someone for something, we typically think about where to physically start. Should you get on the phone? Shoot off an email? Walk down the hall to get to their office?
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